This is a very special post and I apologize that its such a long one. I wanted to write about being happy. Exactly one year and three weeks ago today, I was diagnosed with Leukemia. That is a life altering word. Leukemia. At that monent, the things that I thought were so important meant nothing to me. I no longer cared about what people thought of me, or how much money I had in the bank or in my retirement plan. I could only think of one thing.
I could die.
And then I started thinking about what I might miss, like seeing my son dance at his wedding reception, or one day holding my grandchild and teaching him or her about the joy of cooking, the way I do with my son right now. I thought about my younger years and all of the time I wastred worrying about what other people thought, or trying to live up to impossible standards. After that grim diagnosis, I took a trip with
two of my closest friends and tried to forget about the diagnosis, but I kept thinking about losing my hair and going through chemotherapy re-emerging as a bald, frail shell of my former self.
I wouldn't be human if I didn't have those thoughts. I might sound melodramatic, but the very thought of laying in the ground in a wood box with dirt as my blanket, twisted my mind into a pretzel.
I continued life as normally as I could and had only shared the news with my mother and a couple of other people. I went to work every day trying to pretend like nothing was wrong. The thought that kept coming back to me was that I could be knocking on heaven's door and I wasn't ready. There were dreams deferred, places I hadn't seen, my son and I hadn't made home made brioche yet. After three weeks of thinking I had Leukeaia, my doctor told me I had been misdiagnosed.
Three weeks is a short amount of time under normal circumstnces, but an eternity when you think you have a debillitating medical condition. Those three weeks felt like thirty years to me. So the facts were in, I was misdiagnosed.
Do you know what that meant? I now had another chance to go back and live life more fearlessly. So I am jsut happy to be here. HAPPY! Do you hear me? Ok, so what does happy look like?
It looks like me in a colorful dress enjoying a beautiful day of sunshine!
I wanted to put on something bright, colorful and pretty to rreflect the joy I have on the inside to be here
another day. Can you feel my joy?
I hope you continue with me on my journey back from what was a devastating 2010, as I blog about the things I am most passionate about. These things are a part of my healing process. I hope that you come along for this journey so that we can look fabulous, cook amazing food as I share my recipes, and you can listen to me flow about the things in life that move me.
This is my food, my fashion and my flow...
Dress: Steinmart, Purse, LA Fashion District, Shoes: Urban OG
"I see your true colors shining through, I see your true colors, thats why I love you, so don't be afraid to let them show, true colors are beautiful like a rainbow"
This song by Cyndi Lauper is the song I have sang to my son every night for the past two
years and now he looks at me with his big brown eyes and sings this to me. And then he says: "Mommy" and I respond, "Yes Sweetheart?" and then he says " I see your true colors mommy"
Happy Monday Lovely Ones! The world is your oyster!