Food Fashion and Flow: Faux Friends Part II (wolves pretending to be sheep)   

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Faux Friends Part II (wolves pretending to be sheep)

 You talk, shop, break bread and discuss everything under the sun.    Their smile is bright and their words are smoother than butter.

 They hate you.

 Hate is a strong word. They don't really like you. How bout that?  But seriously, they probably hate you.

 Shhhhhh....that's a secret you are not supposed to know. That  smile  is really a frown turned upside down.
 If you live long enough, you will at some point in your life experience a faux friendship. It does not matter how nice you are or your age because faux friends are predators that don't discriminate.

A faux friend is very hard to discern. It is the proverbial wolf in sheep’s clothing. The wolf rarely looks like a wolf. It looks like a sheep. It hangs out with sheep and pretends to be a sheep. A faux friend is a wolf wearing a sheep costume.

It is a classic war tactic for an enemy to destroy from the inside. The only way this is possible is to get close to you. Remember the old saying to keep your friends close and your enemies closer? 

Sometimes in our circles of friendship, there is a Judas. A faux friend will kiss you and then try to destroy you. Your enemy is often someone close to you because those are the ones that know all of your secrets. Faux friends have mastered the art of masquerading as something they are not. 

We hear what people say and we also hear what they don’t say, but what we don’t notice is that what a person doesn’t say is sometimes more profound than the words they speak.

The clues can be obvious and it is easy to dismiss red flags, rather than believe what your eyes are showing you. This is the time to pray for discernment.  When your antenna goes up, don't push it back down. Your antenna is up because there is an evil wind blowing no good and you feel it. 

The difference between a real friend and a faux friend is the heartbeat that person pumps for you. A real friend speaks life when you are in a place of darkness. This type of friend gives freely without expecting anything in return. They want to deposit something in you, rather than take it away. They walk alongside you to encourage you and behind you to push. They show you who they are by what they do. What  separates the real from the fake is action.

Your real friend wants the best for you and wants you to reach your destiny in life. The faux friends ultimate goal is to see you fail and rejoice if it happens. They are great at broadcasting your failures and whispering your success. 

A real friend does not leave you when your life falls apart, or flee because your life is fabulously golden. A true friend is there in all seasons “they stick closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24) A real friendship takes work. It is easy to click the like button on Facebook, scroll through pictures or say an occasional word, but the real work happens offline.

Love is a verb.


No person can call themselves your friend without the actions that back up their words.

Faux friends flatter you with beautiful words. What they say sounds delightful, but it is the equivalent of opening a pretty package and the box is empty.  They flatter you with words, but it is the razor blade underneath what they say that should give you pause. 

Sometimes a real friend can allow jealousy to turn them into a faux friend. More often than not, the faux friend always had a negative seed inside of them and with the right fertilizer, the real person manifested.

Bitter pill to swallow.

So sad but true.

If you are a keen observer of people or have been burnt a few times, it is easier to be acutely aware of someone’s true persona. Think of it like someone spraying  perfume on a trash can. The stench will seep through eventually. 

Just because they smile, say nice things to you and quote bible scriptures does not mean they are your friend. Recognize that your faux friend is as cunning, devious and ruthless as your gut says they are.  Even if they are not actively plotting against you, a faux friend will always be a thorn in your side. If you have even one in your life, that’s way too many.

Past behavior is a great predictor of future behavior. Some of the telltale signs of faux friends are:

  • They are in a competition with you and secretly jealous. Everything is about one upsmanship
  • They admire what you bring to the table and secretly hate you for it
  • They take every ounce of personal information you share and bank it up to use against you at a later date
  • They take great delight in sabotaging you or things you are trying to accomplish
  • They are for you while they are in your face and against you as soon as you turn your back
  • They do things that are mean spirited and vindictive
  • They lie on you or about you by painting a false picture of who you are to other people
  • They are the first ones to tell you something negative someone said about you
  • They flee the moment you have trouble in your life
  • They are secretly happy when something bad happens in your life
Your faux friend operates in a covert manner, which makes it very hard to discern their true intent. One of the biggest tip offs of a faux friend is that their words often don't line up with their actions. They will do just enough to make you second guess yourself and linger in a state of confusion. Trust your instincts.

It is better to have an honest enemy, rather than a faux friend. Both are a danger to you, but the most destructive is the enemy pretending to be your friend. Remember, just because they are by your side does not mean they are on your side. 

You know a tree by its fruit. An apple tree should not have lemons growing on it.

Protect yourself by being careful who you let into your inner circle and be certain that anyone in that circle has earned the right to be there.

Have you encountered faux friends in your life? Wolves in sheeps clothing?


We Are Not Martha said...

I think we've all met a few in our time :) Great post!


Nikell said...

Great post! Yes indeed I've had some "fauxs" in my life. I like what you said about praying for discernment. I love the photos you included as well.

Francesca Romana Capizzi said...

The wold is plenty of these people, I am clueless on their purposes, I rally can't nderstand people behaving like this.
It makes nosense and in my opinion they have a very poor life!

Vett Vandiver said...

I love how your wrote this, sooo true!

Miss Dre said...

Incredible post, LV. I have experienced this quite a few times. And just as you mentioned above, some real friends can turn into faux friends over time. I've recently had that experience. And it's sad that people can spend so much time around you calculating, just because they like what you bring to the table (or secretly want to be more like you) instead of genuinely enjoying your companionship. That's why I pray for discernment and pray even harder for the offenders-- they need it too!

Tomes Edition said...

I thoroughly enjoyed this post, you hit the nail on its head! There are far too many people out there who are "faux" but pretend to be "real". Life is just too short to be so petty and jealous of our friends, just live life to the fullest. I'll share on my fb.

Randy said...

Growing up in the streets of Los Angeles, I learned who my true friends were and who I classified as "Acquaintances". By the tone and the way you speak to an "Acquaintance" lets them know where they stand in your life!

angiejenkins2011 said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
CQUEK said...

i like your post.

Adrienne Sweenee Style said...

OMG..This post right here, just said exactly how I think. I've been burned, and it was crazy because all my faux friends showed themselves at the same time. I'm so thankful the Lord gave me discernment, and now I am happy to say, I can spot a faux one out from a mile away. I really enjoyed this post, and hopefully it will help others figure out, that everyone is not FOR you.

Mrs. Pancakes said...

i have to say the pictures spooked me out a lot but the behaviors experienced in the faux friendships is just as spooky!!

Kat asecondglance said...

Faux friends abound in middle school and high school, where girls are often ill-equipped to recognize and deal with faux friends, or where a desire to conform and fit in leads them to ignore the warning signs.

I count myself lucky that (so far!) I haven't met anyone as vindictive and hurtful as you've described in my adult life. I have encountered another breed of ugly friendship - the one who loves becoming your confidante as soon as there's a whisper of hot gossip to be heard. This person also fell into the category of 'hear from her when she's single, comes AWOL when she's in a relationship'. I'm courteous if I see her, but am glad I've rid myself of the negative energy that is that friendship!

Sorry for monopolizing so much real estate. This post is sure to touch a nerve! Love the first picture!

High Heels & Good Meals! said...

You are speaking so much truth! I have had my fair share of faux friends. Thank goodness for those experiences because now I am able to discern those type of people and not waste my time trying to build friendships with them. Great post!

LV said...

Thanks friends for all of your feedback and I am humbled that you found value in what I wrote. I am so glad that we were able to have a conversation on all of our collective experiences dealing with faux friends. It is a very real issue.

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